The Dreaded IEP Meetings

 

Oh, the dreaded annual IEP meeting. For any of you that may have a child with special needs, you know how those 3 little letters can create anxiety, panic, and dread. Raising children who are deemed to have special needs or "non-typical" can be such a gut wrenching experience. At the same time, as a parent, you often marvel at just how far your children can come and the leaps bounds they can achieve considering the hand they were dealt. And when it is time for your yearly IEP meeting, those mixed emotions started flooding out of you. You find yourself wishing this wasn't your situation. And for as dearly and passionately that you love and accept your baby, there's that small part of you that wishes they were a typically developing child. 

Many different types of students in K-12 education have an IEP, which stands for an Individual Education Plan. My son has Autism and a speech impairment, but there are many other reasons why a child may be identified as having special learning needs with their school. Being identified as "special needs" used to carry quite a stigma, but thankfully we are evolving as a society. We recognize that all humans are unique and some can be wired in such a way that requires teachers and schools to accommodate them so that are given their best shot at an equitable education to their peers.  Some examples of children who also receive are services are those with physical disabilities, cognitive challenges, emotional disorders, and learning disabilities. These are just some examples.

What is an IEP (Individual Education Plan)?

Parentcenterhub.org defines an IEP as a written statement of the educational program designed to meet a child's individual education needs. Every child who receives special education services is required to have an IEP. The most important thing for a parent is that school sets academic and social goals for your student to master during the school year. We typically have about 5 or 6 goals each year for our son, but the number of goals can very greatly. In addition to the goals, the school is then required to provide accommodations to help your child meet those goals. For example, my son can receive frequent breaks and repeated instruction during standardized testing. He also has a "chill pass" that he can use pretty much any of the time if he is feeling overwhelmed in his regular education classroom. The pass allows him to go into his special education resource room with his special education teacher. He can take a few minutes to calm down and feel relaxed enough to return his regular education classroom. Click here for more information about IEP's.

Who attends the IEP meeting?

This is a multidisciplinary effort which typically includes your child's regular education teacher, special education teachers, speech and/or occupational therapists, and a school administrator. Of course, you as the parent are at the meeting. As the child starts to get older and depending on their capability, eventually they participate in the meeting too.

As the parent, you may not write what those goals are, but realize that you are empowered in the process. A good IEP team and a well run school involves you in the process and at the annual IEP meeting reviews each of those goals with you. If you either do not understand or agree with any of the goals or accommodations, you have the right to disagree to the plan and request changes that you think will serve your child more appropriately. While policies vary by states, in the states we have lived we are also allowed to have an advocate with us. Advocates can be really important, especially when you are new to the process. There are a lot of educational terms and policies that can be very confusing and overwhelming to us as parents. An advocate can be anyone of the parent's choosing, but it would typically serve you best if it is someone who either understands special education services and/or is familiar with your child. An example could be a private therapist used by the family outside of the school system. You can also hire advocates who work full time with special needs families.

You would think with all these great people wanting to help your child with goals and accommodations to assist them, it would put my mind at ease. And it does, a little bit. It also helps to know that I am empowered. Along with the ability to have an advocate, my spouse and I do have the right to ask for revisions to the goals. We can also hold off on signing and are given 5 days to review it before agreeing. Another way that the school districts gives parents an opportunity to stay involved in the process: you can request an additional IEP meeting at any time in the school year if you are having any academic or social concerns. I have not had to do that, thankfully, but it is nice to know that's in our back pocket.

With all of that said, the IEP meeting still brings up anxiety and dread. You love your child so much, and you know that they are doing the best they can and so are you, but here it is all laid out on paper the reminders of your child's deficits and where they are lacking. For me, it's definitely that social piece. Each IEP, my son's academic goals vary somewhat, but always one of them is to initiate and maintain conversation with his peers. Many people think those that are autistic are non verbal. But Autism is a spectrum. And although I am immensely grateful that my son is highly verbal, it doesn't mean he doesn't have Autism. And he isn't "shy" and just needs a little push from his more extroverted peers to get him to join in socially. He genuinely doesn't have those typical skills of socializing with peers. We have to work hard with him every single day to help him achieve some normalcy in this hugely important facet of his life.

We are so lucky. We are lucky to live in a country that recognizes the importance of giving children with special needs the individualized education they need to thrive. We are lucky to have an ABA Therapist that works diligently everyday after school with my son. We are blessed that his school and teachers really want what's best for him. I understand that we are privileged to have the opportunity for me as his mom to not work outside of the home and make our children my priority,

All of those positives do not make the worry and fears go away. I often wonder, will he ever have true friendships? Will his social anxieties began to affect his academic career as he gets older and more expectations are put on him? Will he be able to go to college? Is he going to be able to thrive in a career and be able to take care of himself financially? Will he find a partner to have a relationship and start a family with? I guess the real question is, am I doing enough?

But then I will take myself down from ledge, and realize, right now he is a 7 year old boy that, although he does have more struggles than his peers, he is doing well. He enjoys going to school, his teacher loves him, he has recently made a friend, and he has boundless energy that often brings him laughter and joy. And if you are parent going through something similar, let's try and remember that we are doing everything we can! We have support and so many resources. And most of all, we have love and faith in our child. They can surprise and impress in the most unimaginable ways...

-Alexis