A Brave New World

I begin this post with a question: Do you have that moment in your mind when you instantly or perhaps instinctively knew that the world was going to change in a fundamental way, almost at the blink of an eye? A particular situation or event upon which you realized that Covid 19 was a catalyst for a fundamental shift in humanity? Or at minimum at least an insane world impacting event that, almost in an instant, was going to cause such great upheaval and quite honestly serious disruption to your life? Well I certainly do. 

The kids were finishing their spring break when the announcement came from our school district that they would be extending spring break for a week due to health concerns regarding covid. You would think this would have been that pivotal moment for me, but it was not. My pre-covid mindset had no idea what were all in store for. To be fair, how could we? Instead of my typical fret and worry, I decided to believe the kiddos were just going to have an extra week of staying up late, fighting with each other, and bouncing off the walls from too much sugar. My recently diagnosed chronic pain dysfunction had forced me to not let my stress get to me. So, no, this announcement somehow didn't set off my intuitive and empathic warning bells. What did  do it was a casual night at home as my husband and son watched a Dallas Mavericks NBA game. At some point during the game, and announcement was made that the NBA season was to be cancelled. The entire season. I sat there dumbfounded and in disbelief  as they finished what would be the last NBA game my family would watch for quite a long time....

Within about 20 minutes of the NBA announcement, my gut instinct kicked into overdrive! The cancellation of the pro basketball season made me realize that were in some serious crap! My mind was suddenly swirling with a million thoughts! Were the kids going to be able to go back to school? Can my husband return to work?  Would we get sick? What about our parents, were they going to be safe? Would we able to leave the house and get groceries? And I stopped at that thought for some reason: Groceries. If we are stuck in the house on quarantine, would we even have enough supplies for 2 weeks? I started to think about all things we might need if we could not leave the house for a few weeks: non perishable food, toiletries, hand sanitizer, water, band aids, pet food, and yes of course, TOILET PAPER! Immediately, momma bear whipped out that iphone and got on my Walmart Grocery App for a pick up. I ordered every possible thing I thought we might need to survive if forced in our home for two weeks. (And then ended up at Target the following day buying all the things I forgot about!). 

Now, almost 5 months later, here we all are. It feels like pre covid was a lifetime ago. Everything just happened so swiftly. This brave new world has made social distancing and mask wearing common place. I am not here to have a covid-19 debate about mask mandates, kids returning to school, or the effectiveness of hydroxychloroquine. This post is to acknowledge that we all have been impacted by the pandemic in some way, be it minor like being forced to wear a mask, to major like losing a job, a business, or god forbid, a loved one. We are all grieving in some way. Grieving the loss of a loved one or the loss of our old ways of life. We could not have imagined that this would be our new normal, yet here we all are in this brave new world. Whatever your challenges are and the change that it has brought to you, we must find a way to face this new reality. Yes, we can grieve, but we must find healthy ways to cope.

Many of us have found solace in food and/or alcohol while being forced to spend much of our time at home. People have used food so much that there is even a new nickname for it: #quarantine15. If you have not heard this term, you may be able to guess what the 15 refers to! In addition to indulging in junk food, parents everywhere are posting memes about getting tipsy most days to deal with the stress of suddenly being forced to home school their children.

I don't blame these parents. If I wasn't forced to watch my alcohol consumption because of my pelvic health condition, I would be turning our spare bedroom into a wine cellar instead of typing up this blog post! If a girl can't drink wine or eat cheetos and twinkies in a time of crisis, what can she do? For me it's been binge watching Netflix and Amazon prime video. Getting completely absorbed into the fictional (and also real life, hello Tiger King) characters' exciting, messy, and insane lives allows me to forget about the fact that I have not had more than 2 hours away from my kids since March 6, 2020. That date is burned into my brain! Now one could argue that my vice is less damaging than food and liquor. Perhaps, but I know there are better coping mechanisms. My experience as a clinical social worker is not wasted on this crisis. I am also very grateful, to the surprise of my husband, to have been diagnosed with Pelvic Floor Dysfunction just prior to the pandemic. Call it divine intervention or cosmic luck, but my PFD knocked to me my knees. And recovery includes a healthy diet, meditation, mindfulness, and living a lower stress lifestyle. If I do not watch my stress level, I pay for it in my pelvis. With all of my hard work, I do not want to go back to the pain. The anti inflammatory diet I try my best to follow restricts alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and carbonated beverages. For a girl who lived on coffee, wine, and soda water, this was a huge challenge for me at first! But eventually it got easier. If I can adopt healthier coping strategies, you can too. It's not to say that we can't enjoy wine, cheetos, and netflix. We just can't do it all the time. 

So what can we do? One thing that has really helped me is meditation and being mindful. If you have never tried to meditate or you feel that you have been unsuccessful in the past, start slow and don't be too hard on yourself. Just try 5 minutes a day at the beginning.  Put on some relaxing music and you can try to focus on deep breathing (see our post on deep breath work in our Mindfulness and Meditation category).  You can  also repeat a mantra instead of focusing on breathing,  Your mind will wander; please recognize that is normal during meditation. Experienced and successful people who meditate also encounter this fairly regularly. When you notice a thought, just try to observe it without judgement and return to the focus on the breath. You can ALWAYS return to the breath. 

Other helpful coping strategies in our new normal are exercise (a nice walk in nature is a wonderful way to recharge and feel peaceful), yoga, and reading. Having a family game night once a week can also be fun. This could be the night (ok, maybe a couple of nights!) where you can enjoy the wine and chocolate and also let your kids eat total junk! My son loves to play UNO and lots of other different board games. 

Connecting with your partner is also really important. My husband and I have actually been able to have a lot more quality time together now that he is working from home. If you are single, try to use this opportunity to connect more with family and friends. Perhaps you can't go and visit with them, but instead of a text or contacting them through social media, you can pick up the phone and talk to your loved ones. 

The precious free time that we do have can also be used to pick up one of those hobbies you have always wanted to try, like baking, sewing, or crafting. Maybe you can even start a blog! One thing to remember, and it something that brings me some comfort, is that we are all going through this together. My hope is that we come out of this on the other side as healthier and more joyful in the end.

-Alexis