Setting Technology Boundaries With Our Children
This is not the easiest topic for me to write about. It's perhaps because there is an admission of guilt. A realization and an admission that I let my guard down with my children. My husband and I, in matter of mere months, somehow allowed our daughter to become addicted to technology. In fairness to us, we can fall back on the 2020 excuse. Covid-19 upended society. Our children lost school, friends, playdates, and after school activities literally overnight. In attempt to make up for no social outlets, we allowed our daughter to spend hours connecting with her friends online. Specifically, entering the virtual world of Roblox everyday. She and her friends (friends she does know IRL) to meet up with their characters they have created houses and shops they have built, and play together in their little town. They even earn and collect adorable pets to care for. Sounds harmless, right? Well it CAN be harmless if it's monitored and regulated. Children aren't meant to be online for hours and hours each day. HUMANS are not meant for that. If grown adults can easily become addicted to social media, how do we expect our children to have the self control to regulate their behavior? They are at even more risk for an addiction and serious mental health consequences.
For our family it's Roblox (our daughter) and the Nintendo Switch (our son). We DEFINITLEY have a deeper problem with our daughter because it is her primary way she is socializing. Sure, your kiddo may not live in an imaginary world where she meets up with her friends instead of playing with them in real life, but my bet is there is something they love online that you wish they weren't accessing as much.
We honestly did not have a huge issue with our daughter connecting online prior to Covid-19. Sure, she played a lot of games on the Ipad or my phone. My kids also love watching Youtube videos on how to make slime or their favorite toy demos. But when I said, time was up, it was up. There may have been some whining, but they got over it pretty quickly.
Roblox is different. In my daughter's words, "It is her WORLD." And it WAS her world. Throughout the Spring of this year, virtual school was mandatory. Playdates were a complete no go. There were no after school activities. And in the summer, we didn't take our annual trip to Florida to visit family and friends out of an abundance of caution. My daughter was extremely lonely and missed her friends. Cue in Roblox. It not only distracted her from being stuck in the house, but she was able to connect and play with her friends. And because she had no school hours for months, there wasn't a lot of worry about having to get up at 6:30 am every day. We as parents were overwhelmed with work from home and helping them as their teachers most of the day. Not to mention the fact that our son has Autism and I devoted much of my time trying to ensure his learning needs were being met. So needless to say, there was a ton of online time for our daughter.
Fast forward to the fall and we have decided in person learning is best for our children. They went back to on campus school right after Labor Day. We were also easing up and allowing some play dates, but nearly as much as before Covid. She is also in Girls Scouts in person, but that is only 2 times per month. She had essentially 6 months to become completely addicted to this virtual world. "Her world", as she called it.
My husband and I were starting to notice this was disrupting her sleep and her school habits. It all came to head when she had a school project that was due and she waited until the very last minute to complete. Complete it she did, but she had to stay up super late and she was extremely exhausted and cranky the next morning. It was so bad, we kept her home from school the following day after she turned the project in because she was a wreck. (As a side note, not that I should need to justify my parenting, but she is getting older now and there are different expectations of independence. I, as the parent, was given little information regarding the project. If I had realized just how much it entailed, her father and I would not have let her wait until the day before it was due to get it all done).
The day we kept her home it was time for an intervention. We sat her down and began to tell her that we felt her online activity was becoming unhealthy and turning into an addiction. As soon as she heard those words, she immediately went into a 2 year old tantrum rant, screaming that we were taking away her world. She even went as far as to say that us restricting Roblox was the same as someone coming into our home and taking her away from us. And she was serious. This is when we knew we made the right decision. She was so out of control and she even began bargaining. It felt like a genuine intervention that you would have with a drug addict that you were going to be sending to a treatment center. We held firm, and calmly explained to her that she was still allowed to play Roblox with her friends, but we were setting boundaries and time limits. We changed her daily habits of hours to only 3 days a week. 2 days on the week days with a 2 hour time limit and we do allow her one day one the weekend to play for several hours.
At first she found this very hard to accept. But because we maintained our boundaries and held firm, we quickly found this working much better for our family. And she found it working for her. We allowed her to maintain some control over her life, while we are still putting in place measure to raise a well adjusted child.
There are so many studies that are finding increased use of technology is creating a host of bad habits for our children. Decreased sleep, trouble in school, lower self esteem, and inability regulate their emotions. Technology and social media is particularly bad for pre teen and teenager girls. Suicide rates began to spike for these demographics around 2010-2011, just when social media was really becoming a mainstream part of our lives. I recently watched the The Social Dilemma on Netflix and I highly recommend you watch it as a parent. Even if you aren't a parent, it talks about how big tech has made all of us completely addicted them. The user is the product. YOU are the product. Your CHILDREN are the product.
If you are like my family and have found that the use of technology devices is beginning to interfere with your family or your child's well being, you are not alone. And you are not a bad parent. We are all doing the best we can. We didn't grow up in this world and have no model as base from our parents. The world has changed so very much in such a short period of time. But we do still have a responsibility to our children. Believe me, I understand that this can be hard.
That's why I included these links below that I think you will find helpful. They range from learning about games like Roblox, why technology can be harmful to children, and how we can set healthy boundaries when it comes to screen time.
5 negative impacts of technology for our children
Everything you need to know about Roblox
Setting healthy tech boundaries for our kids
As always, we are in this together. Let Sheree and I know any tips you have with this important topic! Have a great day and try to create some down time for everyone in your family to unplug, literally.
With Love - Alexis
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